Brands were struggling with declining sales once the majority of households had pleasure bots. In a last ditch effort, they tried creating a “cool” online presence through social media.
Most people saw right through the marketing and recognized it for what it was. A cheap ploy to get pleasure bot owners to buy whatever sub-par product these spineless corporations needed to offload.
The truth is, robotics had jumped the shark already. They didn’t need to sell robots as multifunction units anymore. These bots were only built to jerk.
Piers was unafraid of seeming over-eager. He had known the machine’s capabilities for weeks, researching her specs and features. He had even gone to the manufacturer’s website and custom built his own. He configured it with smooth plastic hands, biometric feedback scanners, long-life lithium ion batteries - the works. But something stopped him from placing the order and stopping by the showroom floor.
But the second he saw her, he knew he had to make a move. Like a true alpha, he stepped up and staked a claim. This was not just some robot to be dragged through the cable news ringer, this was his future wife.
He had finally met something that was a perfect match - a machine that knows how to handle a true warrior. What he had been searching for his whole life he finally found, live on television. A robot, made solely for jerking him off.
She was always trying to make the world a better place, bless her heart. When she found her husband’s pleasure unit, she left him, and as part of their divorce settlement she wanted to keep to robot.
She thought it was unethical to have such a beautiful thing do something so unspeakable. Like all women, she hated providing hand relief and resented her husband for asking. All she wanted in a man was someone to bring home a paycheck and let her watch her soap operas in peace.
It became clear after a few weeks of training that the machine couldn’t learn anything. She tried teaching it to apply makeup, only to fail. Its smooth plastic hands had extremely limited motor functions. The machine showed no interest in celebrity gossip either, and just stared coldly back at her.
“How can I teach this machine to enjoy the wonders of modern society? There’s just so much out there, I have to teach her,” she thought.
When she floundered tried teaching it chess, it dawned on her. This machine had no desire to learn, to live, or to help society in any way.
